Before I begin, I’d like to give a quick update on my last post. My grandfather is fine for the most part. He was supposed to be released from the hospital on Thursday afternoon, but he got up in the morning, changed clothes, told the doctor she’s nice – but he’s not staying, and went home.

Yes, my 90 year old grandfather ran away from the hospital. šŸ™‚

Back to the matter at hand.

Last night was the first night of Passover. It’s my favorite holiday. My brother in law’s family invited us over for the seder and we went there instead of spending it with family. I wasn’t planning on going. I didn’t want to spend the first Passover without my mom with people who I don’t know very well. I didn’t say anything to anyone since it has only been a month since my mom died, and I thought we were emotional enough.

For the past month, I had every intention of “calling in sick” at the last minute, but when it came down to it, I decided to suck it up and deal rather than confront my family. It was actually really nice, and, in retrospect, it was probably a lot better than had we spent it with close friends or family.

Today we had a Passover lunch at friends/family. I call them that because we are technically not related, but it’s only technically. My parents’ best friends invited us over and there were probably around 25-30 people. It was so much fun. The parents are like an aunt and uncle and their kids are like our brothers and sister. The “breakdown” came after lunch.

I have had a really great week. It started on Thursday, the day after the unveiling of my mom’s gravestone, and events that transpired, which I am not going to get into at the moment, have helped me forget everything that has been going on. No tears for a week. But it was bound to come back, and it did at the most inopportune time.

I was basically talking to my mom’s best friend (the mom) about stuff that I never had a chance to tell my mom, mainly because it was something that happened after she died. But the fact that I didn’t have the opportunity to tell her – and I know how happy it would make her – just really got to me, and I started to cry (in my quiet tears-are-falling-down-my-face but I’m-still-smiling-ish way). Thankfully, them being very close family, no explantion was required. They didn’t think it was an allergic reaction to the gefilte fish.

So while I had a great lunch/dinner (we were there for a zillion hours), it was hard. I guess I was able to avoid this at the seder last night because we weren’t with close family, but today just had to happen, especially since the events from the past week have basically made everything else disappear, but it couldn’t stay like that forever. I am still grieving, I guess, and everyone says it will be that way for a while.

After all, who would have thought last year at the seder that my mom wouldn’t be here for this one?